Wolf's Den

Was cleaning out the back room closet and found a scrapbook with lots of photos of friends from Okinawa, cards and a few like this. We have so few of her when she was younger.



Dante-Inu at age 3. May 1997. She was obviously blowing coat.

It's by the same person who made Dante's. Kristin from Urns handmade both and they're absolutely gorgeous.




It's empty right now. We pick up his ashes on Monday. It's perfect for him.

Thursday night, I couldn't sleep (nights are the worst as that's generally when he wanted attention the most), and I was at the top of the stairs, heading back down to the couch, where I could toss and turn and not keep Mark awake. I swear I saw Max waddling down the stairs ahead of me. When I reached the bottom, he turned the corner, walked around the coffee table and was gone.

This morning, I was laying in bed- I managed to catch Mark's cold, go me- watching a dvr'd episode of BBCA's Copper, and I swear Max tried to get up on the bed, in his pawing at the covers, then claw his way up style.

It's strange, really. After Dante passed, MARK saw her standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at him. I've never seen her. And yet, I'm seeing Max every few days.

Fickle cat.

I can't seem to stop beating myself up over Max. The voices keep saying what if... And it hurts. It fucking hurts so damn bad. I just want my Max kitty back, just for one more snuggle, one more chance to tell him I love him.

It' hurts nearly as bads as when we lost Dante. tHe difference is we KNEW Dante was leaving us, we'd already made that appointment, even if she did decide to go a week earlier than planned.

With Max, the was no warning, there was no sign that there was anything wrong. We had no clues. He was fine the night before. He acted normal. So to walk into the back room and find him there...

I lost it, I really did. I couldn't breathe for a few moments, the shock was just so sudden.

That was Thursday. Today is Sunday.

Nights are the worst. I keep expecting him to pop his head up over the edge of the bed , so I know he wants to come lay on my pillow and claim my shoulder for awhile.

I saw him Thursday night, trundling down the stairs, and when I followed him, he waddled into the living room and was gone.

I still half expect to see him upstairs when I go up. I still hear his 'mrowf' or his 'mrrf, mrrf' when he wants my attention or wants picked up at the back of my head.

Aries is still looking for him. Morrigan is now sleeping in his spot.

The days aren't so bad- he hung out upstairs mostly. They all did, except Mo, who would wander downstairs and up all day. With Dante, it was the days that were the worst. With Max, it's the opposite.

We got an urn we think will be big enough for both Max and Aries, when Aries decides it's his time. They grew up together, so it's only right that they be together after they leave us as well.

I miss him.

Happy 237th Birthday to my fellow Marines. Semper Fi.





Today would have been Dante's 19th birthday. Happy birthday, my fourlegged best friend, wherever you are. I still miss you dearly, even 4 years later. Thank you for Caena.

4 years ago today. I still miss you so damn much.

No canines, felines or avians either.


So THIS is how my day is going to go, eh?

Why, yes, Caena managed to not only knock the grill up on end, but flip it over and around the side of the house this morning. While I stood there watching, bemused, as it happened in near slow motion.

Her lead caught the corner of the ledge on the grill and pulled it up on the wheels. Which promptly startled her and made her try to GET AWAY FROM THE THING that was clearly after her. Which caused it to swing around, tangling the lead further, and pulling the grill over onto its top.

Then she saw me standing there with my phone, and very contritely walked over to me, head hung low, tail slowly wagging.

I couldn't help it. I laughed at her.

(The grill is still there. It'll take both of us to move it from its current position back into place. Not because it's heavy, but because it's awkward.)



The Carolina Wrens who built the nest on the front porch, right next to the front door, either have eggs or, more likely, given how actively they've been bringing insects and such back, have babies in the nest.

They spent 5 solid minutes berating the Chipmunk who dared to come on the porch to eat the bird seed. Much like they do the Blue Jays, the House Sparrows, the Tufted Titmouses, the Nuthatches, the Indigo Buntings, even the poor Purple Finches and the poor, much maligned by the Blue Jays, Crow that comes by sometimes when there's peanuts out.

Now, I'm getting 'looks' through the window where I sit at my desk, as still as possible, when they land on the chair or the baker's rack right outside it.

Cute birds, but really, this is getting nuts. It could be worse though, I could be getting divebombed everytime I go out the front door, like the poor Crow does by the blue Jays.



Got rid of the majority of the rats. They disappeared for roughly 3 weeks, completely. Then, a small, halfgrown one showed back up again. I'm gradually moving the rocks that were once around the pond out front, that'll never likely be rebuilt, to the back, along the fence and around the Wisteria, as that seems to be where they like to burrow under the fence to come eat the bird seed that falls to the ground.

With the Chipmunks showing back up (finally, after years of being gone), I'm hesitant about putting out more rat poison. But it's looking like I may not have a choice.



The Tomatoes( Hillbilly, Great White and Black Krim, you can see them to the right in the above photo) are finally budding and blooming. They've grown 4 times the size they were. Combination of good compost before planting and plenty of water, I suppose. Hopefully we'll get lots of maters this season.

Much of the rest of the gardens are doing quite well. A few of the Irises my GrandAunt Rosie gave me last summer, have bloomed. Nearly all of them came back and doubled in size. Several plants need to be cut back, such as the Lemon Balm and the Greek Oregano, as they're trying desperately to take over where they are. The St John's Wort tripled in size over last year and bloomed abundantly this year.

The Wisteria is being trained along the fence, mostly on my side of my fence, because I noticed that the guys doing the yard work on the other side, had weedeated really close to the fence, killing half the Honeysuckle, much of the Strangling Dog Vine (thankfully) and whatever else they did, affected a few vines of my Wisteria. So I pulled it all back to my side. Better safe than sorry, and besides, I'd appreciate more blooms next year than an empty house will.

The Love In A Mist has nearly taken over the front Iris bed. There's dozens of seed pods. So when they ripen, I'll collect them, and pull the plants out. The plan is to lift the remaining Irises from the bed this fall and compost/replace the soil before replacing them. Hopefully that'll give them a much needed boost next year, as simply top feeding them isn't working. Many didn't bloom this year either.}:/


In 4 days, it'll have been 4 years since Dante-Inu left me.

In 15 days, Caena will be 4 years old.


I have not played Skyrim in nearly 3 weeks. Haven't played Assassin's Creed Revelations since Dec 2011. My computer has actually been behaving itself for the last 2.5 weeks, so I've been enjoying playing Sims3 for the time being.



And here comes a Carolina Wren with what appears to be a cricket. Must be feeding time again.